FROM THE DESK OF LITTLE ARFIN' ANNIE
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Dear Fellow Dobermans: I’m proud to present my exclusive interview with the notorious Stuffie Snuffer, Barney the famous Guard Doberman, who’s in the Doghouse singing the blues. Actually, I found him quite charming, And of course there is nothing like that barking growl with a British Accent. Kind of a big hunka hunka hunk of burning love.

LAA: Barney, you certainly have shocked Teddy Bear Lovers around the World. The owner of the Elvi bear is crying in the chapel. Do you Have any regrets about the recent massacre you committed at the Wookie wink Cavity Theodore Bear Museum? I suppose that’s when your heartaches began.

Barney: Treat me nice, Annie. I don’t know what happened…such a night. I sort of snapped. You know, went a bit mad. I beg of you, don’t ask me why. I sort of blame it on my puppy hood in the Ghetto, as I never had any stuffies.My mom was a tramp, she ran around with the Plotty Hound gang, which is why I have this thing against Teddy bears. We did have green green grass at home, but we guard dogs only got them funny rubber thingies for toys. Never a toy Teddy Bear to rip it up.

LAA: You actually beheaded the Elvis bear. Did he provoke you in any way? Were you lonesome that night?

Barney: Oh indeed. He was the devil in disguise. He asked me to be his little Teddy, bare. He said it’s now or never, and love him tender. I don’t do those things, besides I may be neutered.

LAA: You destroyed many valuable Teddy Bears. Why all of them?

Barney: It was the eyes. All them staring eyes. Looking at me. Not blinking. It was arful.
All I could think of was the Plotty Hound gang motto: Rip it up.

LAA: But why Disemboweling all those bears? Drooling and salvating on the remains?

Barney: Well, there was a whole lot of shaking going on. However, I had a wooden heart and ignored the carnage. Actually I loved it drooly and I kept saying it feels so right. So many bears, so little time....

LAA: I read your handler was rather upset?

Barney: Oh yes, he said I was nuthin’ but a hound dog. I cried, but it didn’t do no good. And of course he kept bringing up the fact that I’ve never caught a rabbit. He’s been no friend of mine ever since I chewed up those darn blue suede shoes of his.

LAA: Okay, now that you are famous world wide, gone from rags to riches, what now?

Barney: Well, my baby left me, she’s a hard headed woman…. I guess I’ll experience Jailhouse rock until the 12th of never, but while there I’ll write a book about my life story. Then I’ll go on the road with an act. You know, Howling, Dancing, tricks, My Elvis impersonations, and then of course the re-enactment of the massacre.

LLA: Sweet. Thank you Barney, poor boy, may your blue moon turn to gold soon!Oh, and what will you name your act?

Barney: Viva Las Vegas has a nice ring to it.